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Q Assalamu Alaikum. Firstly, I’d like to thank you and your team at aboutislam for the wonderful collection of https://lovingwomen.org/no/meksikansk-brud/ posts because it has helped me a lot.
For a while, I was a Muslim by name but sadly I was super astray. I did not pray. I engaged in haram acts and associated myself with people who valued the wrong things. I had a lot of guy friends and limits while talking where often trespassed.
Alhamdulillah, by the Grace of the Most Merciful, He made me realize how wrong and deluded I was last Ramadan. I have been trying to change my ways since then.
While I do recognize that majority of the problem was my fault alone and that I should not have let all these things happen, I also have realized that part of the problem is that I underestimated the influence of close company around me. I chose to identify myself with a wrong crowd that harbored wrong values and those values automatically started harboring in myself.
I now do not message or contact them without a proper reason and have trained myself to disassociate from them mentally as well. However, from time to time some of those friends have messaged me. I just delete it straight away and I have blocked some persistent ones.
There is a back thought that I get every time I do this wondering if I am being harsh. Am I being extremist or is this the right thing to do?
As-Salaamu Alaikum dear sister,
You are right in the sense that a company will have a profound effect on you as a person, and will influence you greatly.
Friendship for the Sake of Allah
The only interaction between males and females can have is in a professional setting, related to studies, work, and projects.
Even if two people are interested in pursuing marriage, then parents and guardians need to be made aware of the situation and then “dates” should be chaperoned even in a public setting.
However, with regards to your other friendswho are girls, then you can consider your next steps based on the type of friend they are to you. I think that you should take it one step at a time.
Firstly, if you are worried about their feelings, I suggest that you personally approach the matter with your friends concerning your feelings, and tell them how you feel about your religion and your faith.
A friend who simply wants to spend unoccupied time with you will not be willing to be understanding and sensitive towards what is important to you.
Be honest, but not insulting or demeaning. During my second and third years of undergraduate studies, my friends of four years were always interested in going to the mall, eating out, going to movies, etc.
So, I kindly declined every time they offered me to go out with them and told them that I am not going to have fun.
They were understanding and did not force me. I did not mind either and we spent time on campus during lunch hours or after school unwinding.
Note that not all of my friends are Muslims. However, they were truly understanding when I made it clear to them that I don’t enjoy the activities they do.
Also, the fact that my friends wanted to do something that I was not interested in doing did not pressure me into liking what made me feel uncomfortable or went beyond my religious commitment.
I strongly believe that if they are good friends who will value you and understand you, they will not force you to be part of something that you are not comfortable being a part of.
There are many research studies published in the field of Psychology that conclude that friends are made when we share common grounds with them.
Whether it be common interests, hobbies, academic pursuits, etc. when your friends will see that you are no longer like them, they will no longer be interested in inviting to be a part of their gathering and will not be insulted when you decide not to be a part of their gathering on your own.
I believe that if you are sincerely trying to forget the past and start a new life with a renewed faith and a desire to improve and do what is better for you in this life and the afterlife, I suggest you start by occupying your time with useful and productive knowledge.
Check out this counseling video:
(Sunnah ibn Majah) Make du’aa‘ to Allah that He gives you good accompany and keep you on the straight path.
However, if you strengthen your faith in Allah and understand the meaning of life, and realize that the boundaries and the rules which Allah set in place are for our own good, you will realize that nothing misleading and wrong can truly impact you.
Simultaneously, you should spend time acquiring useful knowledge of Islam and secular knowledge so that you will be attracted towards a group of people who will help you achieve what is meaningful and beneficial in this life and the afterlife.
Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.
