Instead of moving on after an affair to a new partner, they add them to the list. One man I counseled had eleven partners at the time he was caught, none knowing about the others.
In the classic affair, a friendship begins innocently enough, with each person simply enjoying the other’s company and conversation. As emotional needs are being met, innocently, the romantic love threshold is eventually breached, and the couple find themselves in love with each other. In some cases, emotional needs like conversation or recreational companionship are not being adequately met in marriage, so a spouse looks to others to meet that need. They don’t think that they’re ucranianas vs bielorrusas vs rusas at risk for having an affair: They simply want someone to talk to. In other cases, emotional needs are being adequately met in the marriage, but the spouse has allowed another person to meet that need, and they find that they enjoy having their needs met by two people.
After the affair is over, however, and they remain married, there are some who don’t learn from the mistakes they made when they had their first affair. Their first affair is thought to be an aberration, having nothing to do with friendships and the emotional needs that they fulfill. So they remain vulnerable for more affairs that they usually have.
But in other cases, like affairs with friends of the opposite sex, it’s not as clear that the friendship begins with intent to have an affair
Are these misguided people serial cheaters? Since I define a serial cheater as someone who intends to cheat before a relationship develops, by my definition, they are not. You may ask, what difference does it make? If affairs are with intent or through sheer stupidity, if they continue in e effect: unimaginable suffering for the betrayed spouse.
They continue to have close friendships with those of the opposite sex, allowing these friends to make the massive Love Bank deposits that trigger the feeling of romantic love
While it’s true that multiple affairs multiply the devastation, if a couple still want their marriage to survive, I’ve found that the prognosis depends on whether or not the affairs were intended.
Since intent to have an affair is often more difficult to prove than the affair itself, serial cheaters may try to claim that the affair was not intended. In some situations, intent is clear, such as with those whose affairs are aided by a website like Ashley Madison, or a dating website where they lie about being married. Accomplished serial cheaters, like the one who gave me his report, almost always begin an affair as a friendship. So how can intent be proven or disproven in affairs with friends?
There are many physical and emotional disorders that are determined by a person’s reaction to a cure. For example, if a doctor is uncertain as to what is causing a lung infection, he will prescribe an antibiotic medication that will attack what he thinks is the cause of the infection. If the infection is healed, it’s evidence that he was correct in his diagnosis.
The same can be said of whether or not a person is a serial cheater. Since intent is the deciding factor, if an unfaithful spouse follows our plan to avoid the temptation of an affair, it’s likely that their affairs were not intended and the prognosis for their marriage is very good. But if they resist any attempt to avoid temptation, it’s likely that they are serial cheaters making the prognosis very bad.
